A Deeper Look at the Works Hanging in My Latest Solo Exhibition (PART ONE)

My solo show, which I’ve been calling “Hidden Feelings” has officially been hung at Central Bank of Boone County in Columbia, Missouri USA. If you live around the area, or happen to be passing through, I’d love it if you stopped by to check it out.

For those of you who are not in the area, and for those of you who would like a deeper understanding of the works hanging on the wall, I’ve put together this list of each piece and what inspired its creation.

Before I share the works in this show, I think I should first explain the theme of “Hidden Feelings.” I have always struggled with showing my emotions, which is difficult in itself because I feel things so deeply that I have a tendency to feel them physically as well as emotionally. Certain songs, for instance, will cause me to have to sit down because I’m so moved I can’t even stand. But despite these synesthesia-like reactions to emotions, I very rarely share how I’m feeling with anyone other than my husband, and even rarer do I show it. Part of me thinks it may be due to the fact that I don’t know how to express what I’m feeling, because they’re too complex to identify as one singular emotion.

Intuitive art is what allows me to process my own emotions and also express them in what I consider a “safe space.” Instead of trying to talk about it, I simply express these deep feelings with scribbles and lines, sometimes with watercolor and brushes, in a way that feels honest and accurate.

My Best Friend

Graphite and Ink on Paper | $500

This piece is very personal to me, as it came about after a particularly rough morning of mothering a strong-willed tween. It was in this moment that I realized she will never love me as much as I love her. These marks are me working through that sudden revelation. You don’t see it, but in these lines and curls and inky gestures is a mother who loves her child fiercely, wholeheartedly, and unconditionally.

On a side note, these marks are very reminiscent of fungi and growth. This was most likely due to the fact that my husband and I had been binge-watching Last of Us during the time this was drawn. The title of the piece is, in fact, inspired by the lyrics of Jessica Mazin’s remake of Never Let Me Down Again by Depeche Mode. While this work is obviously not about what Depeche Mode was singing about, the song itself is hauntingly sad and can be correlated to a lot of life struggles, which is why I had it on repeat while creating this piece.

Polliwog

Watercolor and Ink on Cotton Rag Paper | $300

I go through a lot of existential crises, maybe one every few months, and this piece was created during one of those times in which I wasn’t sure who I was as an artist, or even as a human being.

Despite the internal struggles I was facing at the time, I see this piece in a positive light, as it was created during an online group hangout with some of my favorite artists and friends overseas. They were all chatting and I was listening and watching my artist friend Marie-Noëlle Wurm work and all I did was doodle with my water brushes, some brown and green watercolor inks, and a dip pen. The result was this breakthrough piece that allowed me to move on from the existential crisis.

Autumn’s Monologue

Watercolor and Ink on Cotton Rag Paper | $300

A lot of you know that I struggle with ADHD, and this will sometimes cause it to be very “loud” in my head. Sometimes the amount of thoughts and emotions and struggles and to-dos and even songs stuck in my head at one time can be overwhelming and I won’t be able to put together a single coherent thought. That’s when I sit down, as I did with Polliwog, and meditate with watercolors. It not only calms my brain, but it also helps me translate the more important thoughts of the day. I often call it “clearing out the cobwebs” or “letting the mud settle” because that’s what it feels like I’ve done once these meditative painting sessions are finished.

These paintings are also where my “Wordless Diary” came about, as I found it very therapeutic to create these kind of works and decided to keep a daily record of my intuitive “thoughts.”

This piece also shares a name with a song by Autumn to Ashes. I’m not sure if it’s a direct correlation, or a happy accident, but I think it fits the painting well.

Tangled

Watercolor and Ink on Cotton Rag Paper | $300

Created during another one of my cobweb-clearing sessions, I found comfort in connecting everything with what appears to be multiple threads. These threads often appear when I’m either pondering connectivity theory or when I’m feeling trapped or that I’m wearing too many hats. For this piece it was both.

What’s interesting about this piece is that I’m not entirely sure what it means. I love when I don’t know what my own work is about, because then I can explore and ponder it just like anyone else. For me, personally, I think it’s a struggle with trying to hold everything together.

The Stone-Giver

Watercolor and Ink on Cotton Rag Paper | $300

This is perhaps my favorite of these little meditative “wordless” watercolor paintings (and one of my favorite works overall). Judging by the rock shapes and the Earthy tones it was most likely painted after a hike. We have a lot of Karst topography here in Missouri (it’s why we’re called “The Cave State”) and I’m often speechless after seeing some particularly awesome rock formations. I can almost smell the mossy, dirt smell of a cave in this piece.

On a side note, when I asked my After School Art Club students what they saw in this piece, one of them said he saw internal organs. I had never considered that as a subject, but it just goes to show how everyone has a different life experience, and therefore a different perspective on life.

Downtown

Ink on toned paper | $200

This is one of the pieces that stops people at events. I’ve had it described to me as “childlike” and even “toylike.” The wobbly lines appear to be key to the intrigue of this piece. Funny story: they’re from drawing in the car. I often bring sketchbooks and pens with me on road trips to keep my brain occupied. About halfway into this scribble I realized I was drawing Jefferson City and made sure to add a few landmarks that might be recognizable to those of us who live here.

Toward the end of the scribble I saw the alpaca at the bottom. Not sure why he’s there, but I can’t imagine this piece without him.

Profundity

Ink on tea-toned cotton rag paper | $175

This is one of three pieces created specifically for this show. Each are little depictions into a certain philosophy or belief I was contemplating at the time, and each was created while listening to quiet piano music.

For this particular piece I was thinking about psychopomps and angels (see the angel in the drawing? What is he doing? Is he guiding them to the other side? I think so). A few elements of this piece were definitely inspired by the shows Good Omens and Station Eleven. Toward the end of drawing this work, I kept hearing a question play over and over in my mind: “Is my work profound or pretentious?” I chose to view it as the former.

Half-Full

Ink on tea-toned cotton rag paper | $175

This was the second of the three pieces created specifically for the show. I didn’t honestly realize I’d drawn some sort of steaming coffee cup until I was adding the handle. By then I’d already drawn the cup shape and the “steam” or “flames.” This happens a lot in my work and is usually a sign that I’m working truly from an intuitive state. It’s almost like my subconscious has taken over and is trying to communicate something to me. My own translation wound up being the idea of optimism in correlation with our human values, needs, and priorities.

The Golden Seed

Watercolor and ink on cotton rag paper | $100

This was another one of my meditative pieces, created during a time in which I wasn’t feeling very creative at all. Creativity has a natural flow to it, much like the ocean, and waxes and wanes periodically. Unfortunately for me, I have a tendency to freak out when my creativity is in that dormant state. This is when the existential crises occur, and when I start to dig through past works and the art on Pinterest to determine where I’ve gone wrong in my career. I also desperately bang out five to ten pieces in a week, usually in different mediums, which only makes the creative lull last longer.

This piece allowed me to slow down a bit and return to the very basic notion of simply enjoying the process. Sometimes that’s all we need to get the creative tide flowing again.

What I would tell to future Lina is to pay attention to that little seed at the bottom, the one that’s growing everything above it (a theme I like to have in a lot of these works) and think about how long it must have taken to grow all of those roots and branches and scenery. It didn’t always have sunlight, and didn’t always have rain, and in the wintertime it probably went to sleep entirely. And yet here it is with its golden achievements.

As Lao Tzu wrote in the Tao Te Ching: “Nature does not hurry, yet all is accomplished.”

Like The Seed

Watercolor and ink on cotton rag paper | $300

I painted this on a rainy spring day. You can see a few of the ways the atmosphere outside affected my color choices and shapes. In this piece I can see two separate seeds, one a bit further along on its journey than the other. It’s a celebration, if you will, of the coming of spring and of new life and new sprouts, and growth.

However, this piece was also named after Aurora’s song “The Seed” which is a powerful piece inspired by the Cree proverb: “Only when the last tree has been cut down, the last fish been caught, and the last stream poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money.” Nature being one of my greatest muses, I’m often struck with the bittersweet notion that it may be gone one day, and that we have the–sometimes dangerous–power to change the very future of this planet.

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As an intuitive artist I’m often scared to tell others exactly what inspired a piece, or what the work is about. I always wonder if it will change the audience’s perspective of a work, or even ruin what they originally thought of a piece. However, I’m learning to move past that fear because I believe knowing what inspired a work of art allows us to find a connection with that piece. With the artist herself.

I’ll be putting together PART TWO of this deep dive into my solo exhibition pieces tomorrow, so stay tuned.