I cared a lot more about going viral when I was in my 20s. I wanted to post that perfect photo, the perfect poem, the perfect Tweet. Even here on WordPress I was so invested in trying to get shared on Freshly Pressed that I had multiple blogs and would post to each of them every single day. Honestly, I don’t know how I did it. These days I can hardly post two blogs a month.
When I got into my 30s, life became less about “being a famous author” and more about being a decent human being. An authentic, decent human being. I think raising a daughter as strong-willed and stubborn as I am has knocked me down a few pegs. Motherhood has taught me that there are more important things than making it big.
If you’re like me, or literally anyone else on the planet, you’ve probably made a New Year’s Resolution at some point in your life. But I’m here to tell you that the generic “I’m gonna lose some weight” resolution is no more than a recipe for a binge-eating cake session in less than a week.
Thing is, the person you were on December 31st is the exact same person who wakes up in your bed on January 1st. We have to stop kidding ourselves into believing that we are brand-new (insert your pronouns here). Because we aren’t. The diet may have started, but the person you are still loves cake, and you’ve already been invited to two birthday parties in January.
So what are you to do? Just give up and eat the cake?
I mean, if it were me, I’d eat the cake.
But if losing weight were a really important goal for me, for health reasons and for the sheer fact that I no longer have any pants that fit me, I would focus less on the generic “lose weight, diet, exercise” mentality and focus more on forming a habit that will lead up to my goal. Like, maybe I could form a habit of doing 20 minutes of yoga each morning, or maybe I could form a habit of logging into my fitness pal every day after lunch. The goal then becomes less about losing weight, and more about establishing the routine that will eventually lead up to the weight loss.
Forming habits is not easy, and you’re going to have a few days in January where you either forget or say “today’s not the day” but once that habit is established you won’t be able to do anything else at 10am besides roll out the yoga mat. In fact, your day will be weird without that action, and you might even find yourself doing it later in the day so you can achieve some normalcy.
So, stop giving yourself these generic New Year’s Resolutions. Instead decide what it is you are trying to improve upon, and then think of the habits you can form in order to achieve this goal.
But Lina, you say, isn’t deciding to form a habit kind of like a resolution? Sort of! But it’s less “I will” or “I will not” and more “these are the habits I’d like to establish in the coming months.”
Instead of “I will do better in school,” form a habit of studying for an hour each day at 5pm.
Instead of “I will be more optimistic,” create a habit of writing in a gratitude journal every night before bed.”
Instead of “I will stop smoking,” form a habit of repeating a mantra each time the craving kicks in, or form a habit of going to a therapist each week to learn some great methods to fight the urge.
Having some trouble forming that habit? Try a habit tracker. You can find them in planners, journals, and there are dozens of phone apps with habit trackers as well. Make it fun. Treat yourself when you get to 10 days, 50 days, 100 days, etc.
One final bit of advice…avoid trying to change something that relies on external forces. For instance, “getting more followers” or “making more sales.” Goals like these are a slippery slope that will most likely leave you feeling resentful. You can definitely form few habits that may lead to more followers/sales/etc., but these habits are not a sure thing and on the off chance that you just so happen to make these goals at the beginning of a year like 2020, well that just uproots the whole plan.
Your goals should be something that you yourself can change, without relying on outside sources or the public or your audience. Goals like these, achieved by establishing a daily habit, are going to be the most successful, and leaving you feeling the most fulfilled.
Until next time, may your New Year be exciting and full of endless possibilities.
Scribble Chai 