Experimental Mode

I have been in full experiment mode lately. What this means is I have been trying a ton of new things, filling sketchbooks with “let me see what this does” adventures, and scribbling without an end game. It sounds fun, but this isn’t always welcomed by my conscious thoughts. Mostly because when I’m experimenting my work is all over the place, and I start asking myself a ton of questions like…

What kind of artist am I?

Is this the kind of artist I want to be?

Would this even hang in a gallery?

Is my style shifting?

Do I even have a style?

Can I call myself a professional? Or am I just a hobbyist splashing around? A hobbyist who needs to get a real job..

It’s hard sometimes to shut that voice up, especially when I’m still taking in outside influences like reliable podcasts, beautifully-cohesive portfolios, and flawless Instagram reels. I’m reminded that I haven’t been able to record a podcast in weeks, that I’ve been too indecisive to create an updated (and well-balanced) portfolio, that I still need to sell an art piece before I can buy that new device for recording better reels.

Oh wow check out that gorgeous studio with all the warm, natural lighting and the organized supplies. My basement dungeon office still looks like a disaster from a December event. I need to clean. I need to organize. I need to bookkeep. I need to…

I’m being open and honest here because this is the kind of thing I want to read when I am feeling this way. I want to know other artists go through the same thing I do, that it’s not just me.

It’s not just you.

When it gets like this it’s important to remind yourself of your why. What is your why? Why do I create? What drew me to this career in the first place? Why do I scribble?

“Growing from Stone”

Because, as a visual person, art allows me to *see* my feelings and thoughts and translate what’s going on in my head better than any journal or long talk.

Because art allows me to get close with things I love, like nature and textures and interesting colors.

Because adult ADHD is a thing and my brain gets very loud and cluttered and scribbling helps me untangle the nest of wires in my head.

Because it’s So. Much. Fun.

“Experimental Mode” often brings me back to the latter. It puts me in that very basic, core mood that drove me to pick up a brush in the first place. Play is the foundation on which I can build the rest of my why and turn it into a career.

Plus, I learn from experimenting. Just this week I learned you could add coffee grounds to watercolor puddles to create discoloration and “freckles.” Whaaaaaaat?

Because of “experimental mode” I was able to take all of my recent watercolor experiments to a class of teens so they could try the techniques themselves. The look on some of their faces when they let one color melt into another reminded me of why I do what I do. I love teaching others how to have fun with art.

I know that it’s important to start putting together a new body of work sooner than later, but it appears that, for now, “experimental mode” is here to stay. Part of me is thankful for that because it gives me a sense of bravery I don’t usually have. This means I could work large and I wouldn’t care about whether or not I’ve ruined a good canvas or sheet of paper. Right now it’s all about the process.

It also means discovering new artistic inventions, and how could my inner critic argue with that?

This piece was for wordless Wednesday, and in it I put as many recent experiments as I could into one piece. From adding those coffee sprinkles to gluing down some imitation gold leaf. And I’m very happy with the results. It has everything I like to tick off in a finished piece: scribbles, nature elements, human elements, playfulness, sophistication, and visible brush strokes.

Plus, I know when it’s a “gallery-worthy” piece because it will often develop a meaning before the end. This particular piece is about the balance between the natural world and the human-made world. About the growth of both and the necessity of not only coexisting with nature, but forming a symbiotic relationship with it. Nature can live just fine without humanity. But humanity can’t live without nature.

If you’d like to view this piece in my shop you can click here.

Until next time, may your experiments be fruitful and your inner critic shaddap already.